Oh, hey, it's another vent.
I was listening to Flares by The Script for a little over two hours. ;-;
Don't judge me.
So, anyways, this is a positive vent. Sort of.
Conclusions I've met: "love" is pointless, I will always be alone psychically and mentally (to an extent), I will always be a burden (I'm not being negative here, just honest), sometimes it's okay to be a little alone, friends are amazing and should be appreciated at all times for their efforts.
It gives you opportunities to think, to think quite a lot. Maybe a little too much....
And, yeah, you're going to get sad. That's a part of life.
I've been struggling with depression for nearly seven years, trust me, I know life is fucking hard.
And it's not like,"OMG SOMEONE BROKE UP WITH ME, BETTER CRY AND NOT LEAVE BED!" sad, no.
This is burrowing into your bed every day, clawing at your skin because you miss your coldest friend, staring in a mirror and wanting to shatter that living hell out of it, cringing at food, avoiding scales, being afraid to trust anyone, the scary things don't stay in your head, you hate all social occasions, speech scares you, PEOPLE scare you, you can't stand the sight of yourself, you build a self hatred stronger than titanium, you spend late nights texting friends because you're scared out of your goddamn mind, you skip your medicines as much as possible, you evade the people that care most, you stop talking to people all together some days, you lie when you feel bad about what's happening, EVERY. LITTLE. THING. SCARES. YOU.
Everything around you sort of fades into being colorless and pointless, you have your highs and your lows, yeah.
But it's not the usual sort of thing. You can spend a whole day laughing your ass off, being funny, being sweet, loving every moment of life.
By the next morning, you just want to vanish.
You've had this deeply sick feeling for so long, that you can pull on a masked smile and say,"It's fine, I'm used to it."
You can keep saying everything's fine, when really, it's not.
You're sort of.... caving inward.
But, it's okay. People are trying to help, which you appreciate, a lot.
And I just... augh.
Shout out to the friends that can handle my "issues" so well, and be there for me.
I BEYOND appreciate it, and I don't know what I'd do without you guys.
Just.. thank you.
Ex's aren't included in that list of friends.
I'm not saying that to be bashing or rude, either.
Art, Flare, and Flare's CLOSED feline species (c) @MadMadameFlare